Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Ship Just Got Real

2 months. Actually, it had been 59 days because February was a short month but I was pretty sure Taffi didn't want to argue the details. TomAto, tomAHto and all that.  I'd taken on 3 more clients in Toronto, had been regularly attending Grey's soccer and swim matches, maintaining the house, and trying like hell to enjoy the last few months we had on the island. I had also not responded to e-mails or calls for almost 2 months.  My bad choices elicited screams from Taff once I'd called her back.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Do you know I honestly thought you were dead?" Taffi screamed so loud I yanked the headphones out of my ears. "I mean, thank gawd for The Zuck. Without Facebook I'd be sitting on my ass assuming you were face down in a ditch or shacked up with a Frenchie."

A Frenchie? Oh... the Gendarmerie. Eye candy in the form of muscles, machine guns, and the language of love. Was there anything about this island Taffi hadn't Googled?

"You even missed my birthday. Bitch. I'd disown you if you if you weren't godparent to my kid. That and you share my fondness of Lou's. Speaking of which - have you even looked on the F.B. to see them? They're so yummy they reek!"

Just like that we were back to neutral ground. A good pair of Louboutin's can do that to a person.

"OK. A, yes I saw your shoes. Know that I'm jealous and even a little depressed. There is not a place on this island I'd consider wearing a pair of Lou's. And B, I did miss your birthday but I just e-mailed you a gift card to Nordies. We good?"  I listened to Taff chew her gum and I knew the wheels were turning.

"How much is the gift card?"

"HOOKER! We're on a fixed income. Only one of us working <cough, cough>. You will accept it and move on," I added in my stern mom voice.

"Fine. Spill."

I could hear Taff settle in on the leather couch they had in their media room and knew I had her full attention. I wasn't sure where to begin. I wanted to tell her about the Heineken Regatta and the extra 10,000 people on the island. I also wanted to tell her that I'd actually been taking 30 minutes out of 3 work days to sit at the pool to try and 'relax' as Jameson had been suggesting. But, that's not where the conversation went.

"So - have you been to campus lately? I looked online and there is a new building or some shit. What's that about?" Oh, goodie! I get talk about Jameson's school. Blick.

"Yeah, apparently they dumped a bunch of money into a new building. It'll have, like, fake patient rooms where students can practice their interviewing skills and I think a bigger anatomy lab -"

"Oh! New slice and dice. Kosher."

"GROSS! Do not use the word Kosher while talking about the anatomy lab?"
"Boring. Next," Taffi prodded.

I leaned back in the office chair charmingly held together with Gorilla tape and tried to think of something fun to tell Taff so we could steer clear of all things shopping.

"Taff, you've seen 'The Goonies', right?"

"What the junk?" She laughed. "It's a freaking rite of passage. Of course I've seen it. Your point?"

"Well," I began, "The other day I was walking back from selling a bag of hangers to a student -"

"Hold up," she interrupted. Again.  "Explain."

"We have a ton of shit in our house we're selling because we're moving in a few months. I had a bag of hangers. A kid bought them for 5 bucks. Swingin' deal, by the way. I bought those at Ace for like $30."

"Damn.  30? Did you feel violated? That's a crime."

"Yes. Can I go on?"

"Goonies. Run with it," Taff chirped.

I started again, "So, I'm walking back from campus. Before you ask, walking still sucks. I've had the boot off for 5 weeks and I'm still adjusting. More on that in a sec. Goonies."

"Yes, Mouth, Goonies. Get on with it," I heard her sigh and some ice clinking. She was having an after work cocktail.

Hmm... should I open a new bottle of chardonnay to finish this story? Yes. That's a definite yes. I got up from the desk chair and headed to the kitchen.  Well, it would be a kitchen if it wasn't more fitting to be a galley on a sailboat. Cramped home living and lack of privacy was getting on my nerves. Grabbing a striped coffee mug from the cupboard and the Barefoot from the fridge, I continued with my story.

"So I'm walking home and it must have been in between classes or something because there were a bunch of students walking around and a ton of traffic. I'm not fast on my feet at all, so I literally have to wait for there to be zero cars coming in order to cross. I'm standing there by the coffee shop -"

"Same shop where the chic told you to stop working since you were married to an almost doc?"

"The very same. I really liked that dress but, now I'll never wear it. She ruined Ann Taylor navy dresses and skirts. Anyhoo, I'm waiting for the cars to stop and this teacher walks up and is waiting beside me with a student. I can hear them talking about 'The Goonies'."

"Wait - who was the teacher?"

"No effing clue," I answered and then swallowed some chardonnay. Ahh... life was good. 

"So I hear this guy talking to this student. The kid was probably early 20's. He looked like he belonged in high school.  I mean, his skin was so smooth he looked like a legit Botox ad. The instructor, MD, PhD, whatever was telling this kid that 'Chunk' probably had Type 1 diabetes."

"Truffle Shuffle. OK, I can see that," Taff tacked on.

"Right. So junior looks up at instructor dude and asks him who is Chunk?"

"Shut. Up."

"I KNOW! Blown away," I replied and sat in silence.  The ice in Taff's glass clinked again and I drank more chardonnay.

Mental checklist:  16 days until semester break. Low season has officially started. Stocking up on chardonnay will not be an issue.