#gravitycansuckit

"Seriously," I mumbled to myself while standing on the bathtub looking in the mirror over the sink, "I've got to get a full-length mirror. This is redic."

"Kelly?" Ashley, my sister-in-law, was looking for me. Hopping down from the bathtub, I dressed and headed out of my bedroom to see what was up. I found her sitting at the kitchen table writing in her workout journal.  I grabbed a beer from the garage, and sat down with my pint.

"Ash, what's the poop? New workout?" I asked.

Slamming her pen down and crossing her arms she asked, "Do you know how long we've been working out? This is so frustrating. I mean, look at me! How many miles do I have to run to officially hit Scarlet Johansson status?" Ash laughed but I knew she was serious.

I did know how long we'd been working out. Jameson had been "living" in England for 4 months and 2 days while doing his clinicals. So yeah, I was acutely aware of how long I'd been ignoring my depression and killing myself with Shaun T and endless miles on the treadmill. 

"You're way too tall for Scarlet. Let's go with 'Stepford' Nicole Kidman - you're almost there. And why are you even complaining? Your bod is rockin'. I'm a cigarette and bathrobe away from becoming Maxine. Mark my words; you'll see me on a Hallmark card by Christmas."

"Oh. My. Word. You are NOT a Maxine. Nice," Ashley laughed me off.

Crossing my legs, I took a long drink of my beer. Calories schmalories.

"Yeah, I was just in the bathroom checking out my bod -"

"Wait. Were you standing on the bathtub?" Ashley accused.

"Totally. I even did the whole balancing on the one side thing so I could turn around. Anyway, I was at the gym this morning and there was literally, lit-er-uh-lee, a gaggle of fit chippies dressed in these hella cute workout shorts. Do you know what they had that I absolutely do not, as confirmed with my bathroom balancing act?"

"If you say no wrinkles I swear I'll smack you," Ash answered. OK, I may have been obsessing about my wrinkles lately. It's hard to live in a college town and not dissect your appearance on the daily.

I finished off my pint and leaned forward, "No, they didn't have the same facial frown damage that I have but not where I was going. What they had that I do not - T&A not impacted by gravity. Seriously. I feel like quoting 'Sixteen Candles'," Ash rolled her eyes. "Perky. They were PERKY for the love of money!  Going to LA Fitness is just like living on the island. I'm surrounded by girls who can still go braless. It's totally depressing."

Laughing so hard she was crying, Ashley's comeback was only, "Stop. Seriously."

"Are you listening to me? I have a flat ass and boobs that are touching my knees," Ash was still laughing and leaning over herself. "That might be a slight exaggeration, but it's pretty freaking close. I swear to you I had flashbacks of the beach party where that student told me that I had flabby arms."

I'd been spending hours each week working out, doing mom duties, working countless amounts of overtime and, working out some more.  I was dropping sizes but still depressed. 6 months and 2 weeks to go.