Video Killed the Radio Star

“I’m fine, totally fine,” I whispered to Taff while we huddled in the bathroom doing tequila shooters. I was down to one lime and I needed to get my game face on.

“Fine is what you say to your gynecologist when getting a yearly exam. I can tell you’re nervous about the move. Your eye is twitching and you’re doing that thing where you time your gum chewing to 7 minutes. That’s beyond weird, you need help or medication, “ Taff scorned and stole my last lime.

I straightened my dress, checked my hair and applied lip gloss. It’s true what they say - you can handle almost anything with Bobbi Brown Shimmer Lip Gloss.  Taffi and I stepped out of the master bath and headed back down to the party. 

Mitch’s mom, Sesame Morning Star, and husband Vic were throwing us a going away party.  Sesame had legally changed her last name to “Morning Star” to boost her Palm and Tarot Card Reading business and all of the party goers were loving it. She had a table set up and was offering free readings. Taff had already visited, was told that her “wisdom flows freely like a calm river” and took this as her cue to be my personal move assistant for my time left in Washington.

I could see Jameson, Vic and Barry parked on the porch deep in discussion and left Taff with a group of friends from our neighborhood.  This couldn’t be good.  Reba saw where I was headed and tagged along.

“Have you had any of the punch? I heard it was all organic,” Reba rambled while we marched towards our men.  “I swallowed a mint leaf and I think I ate a clove. Don’t people smoke those?”

I stopped and turned toward Reba.  “What? You were smoking the punch? “

“Damn, you are stressed. You should have Sesame do a reading then you’ll know the move will go as planned. No problems.”

“Reba, I love you and I appreciate your concern. But, hearing that I’ll die at an early age because Tim Tachlauer stapled my hand in the third grade is not going to help me relax. What will help me is another drink.  Maybe… rum.  And, to find out what kind of shenanigans the guys are up to.” I crossed my arms and waited for a response.

“Little Timmy Tachlauer, the guy you told me peed his pants, stapled your hand?  How did that happen? “

I sighed and Reba ran to grab the Bundy and some Cokes for us. I checked my watch and swallowed my gum.

Mental Checklist: call doctor and ask for a 2 year supply of anxiety meds. Hopefully they come in fun flavors and colors like the Tic Tac.

As I walked up to the porch, I overheard Barry adamantly arguing, “Look, we all know she’s forever your girl. All I know is  that I like to do the wild thing - my prerogative, fellas. Case closed.”  He took a long swallow from his beer and looked content.

Ho. Lee. Shit.  Did I just walk into a discussion about Barry cheating on his wife? I needed Reba and that rum sooner than I thought.   I was about to say something when Jameson piped up with, “Hey! We can’t rewind, we’ve gone too far. I saw her standing on a beach with a gun in her hand, staring at the sea-”

“What the hell, man? We already said no lyrics.” Vic threw his empties at Ja and nodded in my direction. “Hey there, darlin’. You wanna try and keep up mano y mano? “

Just then Reba walked up with the Bundy  under her arm and 2 glasses of ice cold Coke.  I grabbed the Bundy, took a 2 second swig, chased it with some Coke and said, “Let’s get this party started.”

A short 3 hours later, most of Jameson and my friends had left and a handful of us remained in the kitchen. Our drinking games had ranged from song and movie titles to brand name foods. Sesame had one the last round with the word “Oreo”.  The boys were on their second hour of X-Box and the conversation moved to renting out our house.

Mental Checklist:  research the Teddy Graham to determine its cookie validity.  That should have been some major points.

“So…” Max started. “I hate to bring up a touchy subject, but who is renting your house while you guys are in the Caribbean?”

“Kel is fine with renting out the house,” Jameson answered while Taffi patted my hand. “At least that’s what she tells me.” He added then smiled my way.  “We found some guys-”

“I hope not on Craigslist!” Sesame exclaimed.   “I just read on HNN that there was another home invasion for a couple trying to rent out their home in Portland.”

“What’s HNN?” Taff asked before I could.

“Hemp and Nutrition News. It’s better than NPR. I swear by it.”

There was a split second of silence before the conversation started up again. Jameson explained that our friend Bunny found a couple to rent our house. Craig worked in IT and Smith was an Interior Designer. They were getting the first month rent free because Smith was going to paint all of our rooms in “subtle hues”.  Smith had worn a bow tie, suspenders and Ferragamo loafers upon our first meeting so I was fine with him selecting colors to paint.

“Hey,” Taffi said while poking me in the side, “You’ve had that gum in your mouth for like 45 minutes. The rum must have cured what ails you.”

We gave rounds of hugs, said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch.  We were at T minus 5 days to departure.

St. Maarten, here we come!