Shortly after take off and before we were allowed to use electronic devices, I swapped out my Nike for a moon boot. Since my flight into Miami had no seats in first class, I was sitting in an Exit Row. Illegally in airline terms. In order to actually board the plane I was told by the agent to put on a shoe. So - shoe on, board plane, shoe off, moon boot on. Easy. If the plane went down I'd have the door open faster than the blue hairs sharing the row with me.
Seated immediately to my left on the other aisle seat and in a serious funk was a former AUC student. I say former because I overheard her telling the flight attendant the reason for her tears was because she'd failed all of her First Blocks and was leaving the island. Her parents had pulled the plug on her 'financial aid'. Damn.
Our flight reached cruising altitude and the movie 'Pitch Perfect' began to play. OK, I love this movie. I think it's witty and when I'm at home I listen to the soundtrack to do my ab workout. I would have been singing along, off key of course, except I didn't want to call attention to my boot in the Exit Row. My AUC neighbor laughed along with the movie. She's obviously not as dumb as the Block Exams made her feel. We started chatting it up about the movie and the conversation took a strange turn when I mentioned something about the 'Foot Notes', a group in the movie.
"That kid singing in the front of the 'Foot Notes..." I started.
"Oh my gawd! That was one of the best parts," she jumped in.
"Totally agree! Love, love, love the dancing in that part. Anyway, that kid in the front totally reminds me of prime time Bobby Brown."
"Oh!" She pounced, suddenly animated. "I love her foundation. It's like, the only kind I buy."
"What?" I asked, momentarily halted. Then I got with the program. "Ohhhhh, you mean Bobbi Brown cosmetics. I'm talking about Bobby Brown, the singer."
I stared at a look of confusion and raised eyebrows.
"You know, Bobby Brown? He was a singer in the 80's. He used to be in that group 'New Edition', they sang 'Cool it Now'. Any of this sound vaguely familiar?"
Nothing. Wow.
"OK, have you heard of Whitney Houston?"
"Yeah," she answered in a pissy tone and rolling eyes. If Whitney was so obvious, how had she not heard of Bobby?
"Whitney was married to Bobby. His face was all over the media when she died last year. I'm sure you've seen him."
"Oh. He was famous because they got married. Did he sing with her?"
I channeled my inner-Yoda. Know this, she does not.
"Not that you'll need any of this info for a job application," following up on our previous discussion about her looking for a job when she got home, "but you may need it for Jeopardy." I smiled and continued, "Bobby Brown was in a group called New Edition. He also had a solo career. There were other groups like Boyz II Men, ABC, or Another Bad Creation, and Bel Biv Devoe. All great 80's music. Oh, and I guess like early 90's. You should look it up on iTunes."
I was busy in the land of nostalgia and my neighbor was soaking up what I'd told her. Or - she was trying to figure out how to politely ignore me. Probably both. Maybe.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Rocket Fanta
"Wife! Where is my coffee cup?" Jameson shouted up the stairs. He was heading to campus to register for the next semesters classes and was delayed due to lack of mobile caffeine.
"The coffee cups are in the cupboard where they always are. Are you even looking or do you want me to come down there?" Parked on our bed with my foot elevated and computer in my lap, the thought of walking down the stairs wasn't pleasant. To say I had to walk "downstairs" was kind of a joke, anyway. Our bedroom was in the loft immediately above the kitchen in the minuscule apartment we'd moved into. We were short on space but large on extra cash; 8 more months of Lilliputian living space.
"It's not here and I need to go drop off Grey's tuition statement before I register."
I made my way down the curving staircase. Twelve mismatched steps and no spills, this was turning out to be a banner day! My mobility in the 4.2 pound moon boot had improved greatly, but it was still annoying. Opening the kitchen cupboard I turned to Jameson, pointed and said, "Uummmm... here."
"Ugh," he pushed back from the counter, "Not those. The one I use to go to class."
"Oh. The travel mugs. You should have said 'travel mugs'. Those are over here," and I opened the cupboard over the stove.
When I was in my early 20's and would go clubbing with my friend Elizabeth (ironic much?), I'd listen to songs and sing what I thought the lyrics were. Rocket fanta instead of 'rockin' the casbah', you can curl your own hair instead of 'you can go your own way' and my favorite: don't call it a comeback, I've got big ears instead of 'don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years' by one LL Cool J. Island life was mocking me by keeping things lost in translation.
Our island time was just under the 8 month mark and I'd started selling our excess wares. A DVD player, cooler, some island chairs, beach umbrella and travel coffee mugs. The day before I'd been waiting for a student while sitting on the retaining wall of the apartment complex across the street. I was selling 2 reams of printer paper for 15 bucks. OK, not a gold mine but I wouldn't have to pack it and take it back to the States. While staring at my thighs shaped by too much chardonnay and not enough cardio, I looked up as a couple of girls walk by. I say girls because of the lack of jiggle in skirts so short and tight that I'd consider them to be Spanx and would wear them under a suit when on a client site.
Mental Checklist: Google Jillian Michaels work-outs for geriatrics.
Sigh... I used to look like that. I also used to think Vanilla Ice sang 'alright stop, cohabitate and listen'. My buyer walked up breaking my self-pity party.
"That my paper?" asked my buyer.
"Indeed."
"Top. I need these. Gonna pound later," and then he handed me money.
WTF? Am I so old I can't follow the colloquialism of an early 20's dude? Or, is it punk? Wait - do they say kid now?
"I'm guessing you're happy to have this paper," I said pocketing the money. "I don't know how many pounds it is, but we've only opened this one package so you've pretty much got 2 full reams."
He laughed.
"The coffee cups are in the cupboard where they always are. Are you even looking or do you want me to come down there?" Parked on our bed with my foot elevated and computer in my lap, the thought of walking down the stairs wasn't pleasant. To say I had to walk "downstairs" was kind of a joke, anyway. Our bedroom was in the loft immediately above the kitchen in the minuscule apartment we'd moved into. We were short on space but large on extra cash; 8 more months of Lilliputian living space.
"It's not here and I need to go drop off Grey's tuition statement before I register."
I made my way down the curving staircase. Twelve mismatched steps and no spills, this was turning out to be a banner day! My mobility in the 4.2 pound moon boot had improved greatly, but it was still annoying. Opening the kitchen cupboard I turned to Jameson, pointed and said, "Uummmm... here."
"Ugh," he pushed back from the counter, "Not those. The one I use to go to class."
"Oh. The travel mugs. You should have said 'travel mugs'. Those are over here," and I opened the cupboard over the stove.
When I was in my early 20's and would go clubbing with my friend Elizabeth (ironic much?), I'd listen to songs and sing what I thought the lyrics were. Rocket fanta instead of 'rockin' the casbah', you can curl your own hair instead of 'you can go your own way' and my favorite: don't call it a comeback, I've got big ears instead of 'don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years' by one LL Cool J. Island life was mocking me by keeping things lost in translation.
Our island time was just under the 8 month mark and I'd started selling our excess wares. A DVD player, cooler, some island chairs, beach umbrella and travel coffee mugs. The day before I'd been waiting for a student while sitting on the retaining wall of the apartment complex across the street. I was selling 2 reams of printer paper for 15 bucks. OK, not a gold mine but I wouldn't have to pack it and take it back to the States. While staring at my thighs shaped by too much chardonnay and not enough cardio, I looked up as a couple of girls walk by. I say girls because of the lack of jiggle in skirts so short and tight that I'd consider them to be Spanx and would wear them under a suit when on a client site.
Mental Checklist: Google Jillian Michaels work-outs for geriatrics.
Sigh... I used to look like that. I also used to think Vanilla Ice sang 'alright stop, cohabitate and listen'. My buyer walked up breaking my self-pity party.
"That my paper?" asked my buyer.
"Indeed."
"Top. I need these. Gonna pound later," and then he handed me money.
WTF? Am I so old I can't follow the colloquialism of an early 20's dude? Or, is it punk? Wait - do they say kid now?
"I'm guessing you're happy to have this paper," I said pocketing the money. "I don't know how many pounds it is, but we've only opened this one package so you've pretty much got 2 full reams."
He laughed.
Medical Monday
It's the first Monday of the month. Click on the shortcut to the right that says "Medical Mondays" to link to other blogs about med school, physician funniness, nursing - anything and everything related to medicine. To check out my previous posts, click any link under "Posts from the Past". Happy reading!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Lip Gloss, Elections & Hair! Oh My!
When I was in high school one of my friends had a cordless curling iron; hands down the coolest thing since aerosol AquaNet to a child of the 80's. I'll admit, I had iron envy. In college I'd mastered teasing my hair and an all-around movement with my arm to thoroughly coat my tresses. I also became obsessed with scrunchies. One of the girls on the dance team had scrunchies in every imaginable color. Enter the green monster. As a woman in my late 30's (since I REFUSE to succumb to the early 40's movement), I was spending my free-time pining away for a time when I could eat a glazed doughnut without doing 500 crunches to counter-balance the caloric intake, the Louboutin Rolando pump, BBC programming and the seamless forehead of a 23-year old. In my progressed age I noticed the wrinkle-free kids that surrounded us on this island had a different set of political ideals and they wore election opinions on their sleeves. This was the current topic of choice for Taffi and I during our weekly Skype IM session.
MedSchoolMama: taff! stop sending me photos of your shoes, your car and your house. it makes me hate you.
LaffyTaffy: secretly?
MedSchoolMama: no bish! the secret is OUT! stop b/f i have max take away the amex!
LaffyTaffy: sometimes i hate YOU and then i remember that you left your lou's here and it makes it all okay. how goes the island? did jameson run for student body or government or whatever the hell you call it in med school?
MedSchooMama: no - totally bagged on that suggestion. i think he was nauseous just thinking about it. not enough time, too much drama. mostly the drama.
LaffyTaffy: speaking of drama - WTF is up with romney's jeans? wardrobe guy is an imbecile. who let's their candidate go out in mom jeans. dear gawd!
MedSchoolMama: mom jeans? um..... what about the bigger issue of healthcare?
LaffyTaffy: OMG - i heard at someone at work say botox and other cosmetics are covered with omahacare!!!! do i need to mention the 11's????
MedSchooMama: it's OBAMAcare, not omaha! wtf?
LaffyTaffy: whatevs. if you come into town i'll take you to my derm and we can fix your wrinkles. i KNOW you're self conscious surrounded by so much youth.
MedSchooMama: i heard the "youth" around here talking about legalizing pot across the nation and if the laws would apply to them HERE if they brought a bag with them when they flew back to the island post christmas break.
LaffyTaffy: euphoria! a world with legal taxable ditchweed and juviderm for free
MedSchoolMama: gotta run. conf call. touch my shoes and die a slow painful death (remember the time you got the bad wax)
LaffyTaffy: love you bish! OMAHA RAMEN NOODLE 2012
MedSchooMama: snap. crackle. and pop. you are drinking. that was a robert mondavi comment. and at noon your time. hellfire - are you & max having a nooner??? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............... signing off.
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